Once again, I strike away at this keyboard in hopes of relieving the thoughts floating carelessly through my head. I've always been one to keep my feelings inside for the sake of others' feelings. Yeah yeah, it sounds really dumb and like I have no guts. I do, but the way this world is working, there are enough people out there stepping on other toes. I'll do my best to keep my toes tucked in and place my feet carefully. Oh, I'll come out and say something when it truly matters. And when it does, you better hope you are not the focus of my attention. Remember, nice guys are nice, but when a nice guy gets mad, run for the hills!
Choices...damn the choices in this world now are insane. Some people say there are not enough. Some say that there are too many. First off, this is your life and the amount of choices you make are endless. This isn't some game where you get a certain amount of action points. The only power holding you back is yourself, but it just so happens that this certain power is a hell of a problem. There is no argument besides a feeble one that will make me believe that there are too many choices. The only problem I see in this is in grocery stores. I find it damn near impossible to pick a cereal or even a type of toilet paper. But we live in America people, so when you look at the labels, pick the one that is made in the US and spend an extra dollar. Think of it as supporting the jobs that are left in the United States because there are far and few in between for us young bucks. All these people who have been working for 15+ years are taking over the entry level positions due to all the lay offs. Go to school people. GO TO FUCKING SCHOOL. All I hear now a days is pure laziness coming out of people's pie holes. "Oh, school isn't for me. I didn't do well." Yeah well who said it was easy for me? I didn't just sit back, smoke, drink, party, and fuck to get to where I am. I made social sacrifices. Don't go to that party. Don't hang out with your smoking buddies. Go live in the library for over 500 hours a semester then come talk to me. School is work people. How do you think cramming all that useless information is going to land you a job? It makes you focus, work hard, and puts you in a schedule where you are able to wake and go to bed early. Its not so much the information you learn, but how you handle pressure and huge life changing (or in my instance, company changing) situations. Don't be so ignorant as to think you can learn everything by just living. Psh, I hope you people realize that you have more of a chance to win the lottery than becoming rich without an education.
Certain people in this world warm your heart and center your thoughts. Thanks. I appreciate the support and welcoming words. Needless to say you almost brought me to tears just reading a response. Yeah yeah, I'm a sensitive guy. I hear its a good thing now a days. But what I don't understand, is why I don't surround myself with people like you. Maybe its because I know you have a straight head and don't need my help to make something of yourself. Maybe it is because I look at what I do and am somewhat ashamed that I cannot be as genuine as yourself. Either way, I'm proud to have you in my thoughts and my facebook. ~peace~
Tuesday, July 28, 2009
Tuesday, July 21, 2009
The Stress
Over the past week, I've been rolling my neck, massaging it, and doing everything possible to keep it from aching. Standing up too fast also causes a nasty head rush that I will assume is like a mini migraine. Right around the middle of the afternoon, I feel like a lethargic wave crashed into my body. Am I getting sick and should see a doctor? Is it possibly stress from everything going on? Do you think I'm too young for this? Damn...
When I sit back and look at whats happening, I do realize I put too much pressure on myself. Its the perfectionist (thanks Mom for passing it on) in me trying to come out. Anyone that knows me will laugh because I do not have the perfectionist way of life. I keep a dirty room full of laundry, my house is never fully clean, my backyard gets way out of whack before I trim it, and my car looks like it got ransacked by the sponsors of every fast food restaurant within a 20 minute radius of my house. But what I do strive to do is succeed and be better than who I was the previous month. I also harp on my friends and family to better their lives and pursue an education or a skill. Damn...when I look around at my friends that come over consistently, not many of them are even at my level or trying to reach it. Its like they are happy or content having a low end job and chilling. I wish I could have this sense. I actually have this sense but I permanently rid it from my lifestyle. Perhaps the reason why I stress so much is that I do not have anyone who strives like I do. I strive to provide a house, have all the necessary and convenient utilities, and have plenty of activities to do. Why is it...that I am the only one? Why can't my friends provide some of this stuff? Is it because I am the only one with a full time job? Possibly, but back when I was making only $17,000 a year I was still doing all of this. I think...I think I am just a really good host who doesn't mind the dozen of leeches suckling at the benefit giver.
Because I am doing what is good, because I am doing what seems right, is that why people think I am this all knowing guru? Even my family has this high expectation of me that is just bizarre. I'm not kidding when I say I am the only kid who didn't fuck up royally. If I don't make the right decision, everyone freaks out and jumps on my ass about what I should do. But when one of my friends comes and asks about their wrong decision, I simply tell them what I would do and how I would go around it. Does it seem like to me I am the only stable person with any structure? Yes. Does it seem wrong to surround myself with people who do not see my mindset? No. Should I surround myself with more people with some initiative? Yes!! Don't get me wrong, I do have people who want to better themselves and are well on their way. I applaud excitedly for my friends pursuing an education and finding out exactly what they want to do in life. But these others...these others who eat my food, use my house, stay up all night watching tv or surfing the web...what about them? Its hard to decipher between who is a friend and who is a leech. A friend will help me out with things even if I tell them not to. A friend will support me when I'm down, and not tell me immediately that I am not fun when I am not smiling or in a good mood. A friend...will tell me what to do because I'm tired of following my own advice.
I hate using this blog to explode my emotional rage but if you can't tell, where else can I go? I realize I am the best listener out there, I don't chime in like "Oh I know how you feel" because you fucking don't. I'll say "I can only imagine" or "I wish I could relate" because honestly, that makes someone feel better knowing they are in a unique situation. Then when they ask for your opinion, go ahead and give it to them. I swear, every time I go to someone they chime in right away with an answer. Its not about providing an answer. Its about putting yourself in their shoes and telling them what you would do. It may not be necessarily the best or right answer, but at least you made the person feel better. Its about smiles, hugs, and love people! And my inventory of those things are getting low. I give give give...yet I hardly receive. ~peace~
When I sit back and look at whats happening, I do realize I put too much pressure on myself. Its the perfectionist (thanks Mom for passing it on) in me trying to come out. Anyone that knows me will laugh because I do not have the perfectionist way of life. I keep a dirty room full of laundry, my house is never fully clean, my backyard gets way out of whack before I trim it, and my car looks like it got ransacked by the sponsors of every fast food restaurant within a 20 minute radius of my house. But what I do strive to do is succeed and be better than who I was the previous month. I also harp on my friends and family to better their lives and pursue an education or a skill. Damn...when I look around at my friends that come over consistently, not many of them are even at my level or trying to reach it. Its like they are happy or content having a low end job and chilling. I wish I could have this sense. I actually have this sense but I permanently rid it from my lifestyle. Perhaps the reason why I stress so much is that I do not have anyone who strives like I do. I strive to provide a house, have all the necessary and convenient utilities, and have plenty of activities to do. Why is it...that I am the only one? Why can't my friends provide some of this stuff? Is it because I am the only one with a full time job? Possibly, but back when I was making only $17,000 a year I was still doing all of this. I think...I think I am just a really good host who doesn't mind the dozen of leeches suckling at the benefit giver.
Because I am doing what is good, because I am doing what seems right, is that why people think I am this all knowing guru? Even my family has this high expectation of me that is just bizarre. I'm not kidding when I say I am the only kid who didn't fuck up royally. If I don't make the right decision, everyone freaks out and jumps on my ass about what I should do. But when one of my friends comes and asks about their wrong decision, I simply tell them what I would do and how I would go around it. Does it seem like to me I am the only stable person with any structure? Yes. Does it seem wrong to surround myself with people who do not see my mindset? No. Should I surround myself with more people with some initiative? Yes!! Don't get me wrong, I do have people who want to better themselves and are well on their way. I applaud excitedly for my friends pursuing an education and finding out exactly what they want to do in life. But these others...these others who eat my food, use my house, stay up all night watching tv or surfing the web...what about them? Its hard to decipher between who is a friend and who is a leech. A friend will help me out with things even if I tell them not to. A friend will support me when I'm down, and not tell me immediately that I am not fun when I am not smiling or in a good mood. A friend...will tell me what to do because I'm tired of following my own advice.
I hate using this blog to explode my emotional rage but if you can't tell, where else can I go? I realize I am the best listener out there, I don't chime in like "Oh I know how you feel" because you fucking don't. I'll say "I can only imagine" or "I wish I could relate" because honestly, that makes someone feel better knowing they are in a unique situation. Then when they ask for your opinion, go ahead and give it to them. I swear, every time I go to someone they chime in right away with an answer. Its not about providing an answer. Its about putting yourself in their shoes and telling them what you would do. It may not be necessarily the best or right answer, but at least you made the person feel better. Its about smiles, hugs, and love people! And my inventory of those things are getting low. I give give give...yet I hardly receive. ~peace~
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