Deuces

Days go by where you wonder why you even try. Everyone tells you "Oh soon your world will turn around." Well it did last year for a while and it was wonderful. But now I am worse off than ever. I have people telling me I deserve the best...then how come you don't want to give it to me? Am I to good for you? Wait wait...you serious? This 5'7" fat filipino guy is too good for you? Who the fuck are you? Maybe the reason why you think that is because I am the best damn thing for you and you're not ready for it. Obviously though...I am not.

As I walk through the eerily familiar town of Columbia, I realize that I just can't be here anymore. Everyone just uses me. Take advantage of me. Shoot me down when I am already pleading with you on my knees. I honestly want to end all of this pain, misery, and damnation I have swirling into one big ticking time bomb. I want to go ahead and implode so I don't have to feel like I have to care. Even after being treated so poorly...I still drive out for a friend to make sure she is okay. Only to find that she is perfectly fine and just wanted my attention. Yeah, what a horrible move on her part. Especially when she is with a guy already giving her all the attention she needs. What a horrible fucking horror show.

I'm just crying. I am just so upset. I can't find anything around me worthwhile to hold. I'm just a drifter. A loss soul wandering around for his mate. The worst part is that now I am subjected to seeing happy people together. I break down everytime. I had to run to the bathroom just to gather my composure. What the fuck is wrong with me? I don't know another guy who breaks down over commercials, movies, or just day to day living.

"I am right over here. Why can't you see me? I'll keep dancing on my own."

I listen to a good bit of trance/vocal trance. I'm just willing to give someone the best. I did give someone the best. I'm still able to if someone would take that chance.

*sigh* Back to working/crying.